But I STI-I-I-IL haven't found...

The question has been posed, just what AM I looking for? That in and of itself is a difficult question to answer. You have to consider that there are many different levels. It's hard to determine the deeper levels without really spending time with someone. The more superficial levels are usually easier to describe (but also important, thought not as important as the deeper levels), and they are also easier to recognize when you meet someone new.

I say that they aren't as important because in the end, it's the person you [should] fall in love with, and not the pretty face. Still, I insist that it is important for several reasons. First, many people will deny it (they are lying), but looks are important in a relationship, or at least we tend to make them important. Also, I believe that you can tell a lot about a person by his or her looks. You can see how a girl carries herself, what a girl thinks about herself, how confident she is, what kind of interests she may have, etc. Also, I believe that you can look at a girl's face and determine what her most prevelant personality traits are. Does she have smile lines or frown lines? Which facial muscles are used the most? Does she stress easily, or is she easy going? Perhaps we can't always look at people and know who they are, but I think we subconcsiously recognize what type of personality people have, and we can decide if it's pleasant to us or not.

That being said, the modest are still the hottest. For me, when a girl dresses modestly, it says that she respects herself and that she recognizes that she has a lot more good qualities than just her physical body.

So, how should I answer the question? Just what am I looking for? I could start with a description of the inner person, but if you had to get to know everyone very well before you knew if you might be interested in a relationship, no one would ever even date. Furthermore, even if I knew exactly what I was looking for in that field, I couldn't realistically expect to find an exact match.

So, perhaps I should start with a description of physical attributes?

I could say that I'm a sucker for dark silky hair, but that's only sometimes. Recently I've found more appreciation than usual for curly hair as I've let go of my childhood distaste of my own curly hair, and I often see girls who are beautiful to me with different hair colors as well, so that's not it. I guess it's always changing. For example, Just the other day I saw a girl at the store who wouldn't have matched any of my preconceived discriptions. She was wearing lace up shoes that resembled the classic 80's sneakers (except they were actually knee-high boots), purple tights with a pattern, kind of ugly gym shorts, and a jacket that didn't really match anything she was wearing. She had long blond hair, with a small streak that was colored blue. It was a modest (or at least non-revealing) outfit, but it didn't really fit any social norms. Oddly, I found her style to be very attractive. Was it the level of confidence required to pull something like that off? Maybe it was the sense of freedom that encircled her. It may have just been that she was something different. Who knows? Looks just seem to be hit and miss.

I guess it's hard figure out the details, especially when they don't really exist and there are a million people who could fit the bill.

In the end, I'm just looking for a good friend, someone whom I can love beyond any comprehension and who will love me in return. Someone who will help me live life to the fullest, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Someone to share dreams with. Someone who, when I think of her, will make me want to be a better person.

Now that being said, I have a lot of attractive friends with the potential to fit that description, but we remain friends. That's ok. I value our relationships, but I still have to wonder why it is that I form a lot of good friendships with girls, but never deep relationships. Is it because I'm too cautious? Is it because I want to know that it's meant to be before I do anything, and by that time it would be too late, or our relationship would be too

comfortable just the way it was? Maybe I'm too nice of a guy and I respect women so much that I just want the best for them despite my own desires, so I try to get to know them, and then if they seem interested I can ask them out, if not we can be friends, but then girls always feel restricted by social norms and refuse to flirt or seem interested. I don't know. Maybe I'm too restrictive and I just tell myself "she is not the one" before I really get to know someone.

Then again, I have dated friends and I have dated people that I just met somewhere. I have been on dates with classmates. I have been on dates with all kinds of people. So, why so many friends and so few dates? Do I need to be more selfish and tell new people I meet that it's a relationship or nothing, that I already have enough friends? Perhaps I need to be more bold and threaten potential friendships with relationships to see what happens. Part of the Utah mentality seems to be that it's either friendship or dating, and that the lines shouldn't cross, even just for fun. (Sadly, no one has yet responded to my challenge in the dating post. I've never seen so many people turn down free ice cream, dinner, or a night on the town without any kind of commitment or expectations!)

I think the real problem is that I just don't meet many new people. I work at home, all my classes are full of guys (ah, the curse of ECEn majors), and the same people are at church every week. I have hope for the new semester. I'm taking several classes that aren't from my major, including two dance classes, a pre-med class (yeah, not many people know it, but I've been considering going to medical school after my degree for years), and a guitar class if I can get in.

So, I guess for the time being I will just keep going and see what awaits me. I'm sure that I will find that "someone whom I can love beyond any comprehension and who will love me in return. Someone who will help me live life to the fullest, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Someone to share dreams with. Someone who, when I think of her, will make me want to be a better person" eventually. Still, it wouldn't hurt to know if I was doing something wrong. Thoughts, anyone?