Foreign Languages

As I was sitting in church yesterday, I found myself drifting and thinking about other things, so decided to take a different approach and started translating the lesson into Greek as it was given, like I used to do on my mission (we had a microphone and everyone was given headphones so that we could translate into either Greek or English, depending on who was speaking). That only worked for awhile, and then my thoughts started drifting again, but this time my thoughts were in Greek. As the lesson was about to end, I realized that I would be giving the closing prayer and for a moment I was struck with fear. My thoughts kept coming out in Greek and I was afraid that I would stand up and slip into Greek during the prayer (I know it's not really a valid concern, but for a split second I was ready to panic). Fortunately I had a few minutes to clear my head and get back into English thoughts, and everything went alright, of course.

In retrospect, it caused me to wonder what the value of a foreign language really is. I studied French for 5 years in junior high and high school, and I have never really needed it. My French used to be quite good, and I have been considering pulling out my old French text books and refreshing my language skills so that I could claim the title of a polyglot, but I have to wonder if there is really any point.

A lot of people make a big deal out of knowing a foreign language, but chances are that you will never really use it. Unless you plan on moving to another country or becoming a professional translator, the time you will spend using a language will be microscopic in comparison to the time you spent learning it.

Learning French DID provide me with some benefits, such as understanding better how language works, it made it easier to learn Greek, it gave me insight into a different culture, and gave me some college credit. The one thing that it didn't do is provide me with a useful language to use.

I suppose I could always try to pull the language card with girls, as many girls seem to find it attractive, but I've always tried to keep it low key. I think that a relationship should be based on better things than foreign languages that the other person can't understand. Why is it that girls like foreign languages?

I also have a lot of friends that have learned a foreign language (French being the most dominant, followed by Spanish), and as far as I know, they don't really use it, or at least don't have a need for it and only use it occasionally for fun.

I figure that I could be fluent in French in about a month if I really applied myself. Would it be worth a month of my life? Would it be a good idea to phase out languages everywhere until everyone spoke a single language, or is it better to preserve cultures? Is it really worth it to invest time, an irreplaceable resource, into learning a language that you will never use?

I suppose that I wouldn't trade my language skills now for the time that I spent learning them, well at least not my Greek. It might be nice to trade my French into some nice art skills or something, but that's not realistic. I would only want to keep my Greek because of the good memories of Greece, my friends who don't know English, and because I plan to return eventually and tour the country.

But I STI-I-I-IL haven't found...

The question has been posed, just what AM I looking for? That in and of itself is a difficult question to answer. You have to consider that there are many different levels. It's hard to determine the deeper levels without really spending time with someone. The more superficial levels are usually easier to describe (but also important, thought not as important as the deeper levels), and they are also easier to recognize when you meet someone new.

I say that they aren't as important because in the end, it's the person you [should] fall in love with, and not the pretty face. Still, I insist that it is important for several reasons. First, many people will deny it (they are lying), but looks are important in a relationship, or at least we tend to make them important. Also, I believe that you can tell a lot about a person by his or her looks. You can see how a girl carries herself, what a girl thinks about herself, how confident she is, what kind of interests she may have, etc. Also, I believe that you can look at a girl's face and determine what her most prevelant personality traits are. Does she have smile lines or frown lines? Which facial muscles are used the most? Does she stress easily, or is she easy going? Perhaps we can't always look at people and know who they are, but I think we subconcsiously recognize what type of personality people have, and we can decide if it's pleasant to us or not.

That being said, the modest are still the hottest. For me, when a girl dresses modestly, it says that she respects herself and that she recognizes that she has a lot more good qualities than just her physical body.

So, how should I answer the question? Just what am I looking for? I could start with a description of the inner person, but if you had to get to know everyone very well before you knew if you might be interested in a relationship, no one would ever even date. Furthermore, even if I knew exactly what I was looking for in that field, I couldn't realistically expect to find an exact match.

So, perhaps I should start with a description of physical attributes?

I could say that I'm a sucker for dark silky hair, but that's only sometimes. Recently I've found more appreciation than usual for curly hair as I've let go of my childhood distaste of my own curly hair, and I often see girls who are beautiful to me with different hair colors as well, so that's not it. I guess it's always changing. For example, Just the other day I saw a girl at the store who wouldn't have matched any of my preconceived discriptions. She was wearing lace up shoes that resembled the classic 80's sneakers (except they were actually knee-high boots), purple tights with a pattern, kind of ugly gym shorts, and a jacket that didn't really match anything she was wearing. She had long blond hair, with a small streak that was colored blue. It was a modest (or at least non-revealing) outfit, but it didn't really fit any social norms. Oddly, I found her style to be very attractive. Was it the level of confidence required to pull something like that off? Maybe it was the sense of freedom that encircled her. It may have just been that she was something different. Who knows? Looks just seem to be hit and miss.

I guess it's hard figure out the details, especially when they don't really exist and there are a million people who could fit the bill.

In the end, I'm just looking for a good friend, someone whom I can love beyond any comprehension and who will love me in return. Someone who will help me live life to the fullest, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Someone to share dreams with. Someone who, when I think of her, will make me want to be a better person.

Now that being said, I have a lot of attractive friends with the potential to fit that description, but we remain friends. That's ok. I value our relationships, but I still have to wonder why it is that I form a lot of good friendships with girls, but never deep relationships. Is it because I'm too cautious? Is it because I want to know that it's meant to be before I do anything, and by that time it would be too late, or our relationship would be too

comfortable just the way it was? Maybe I'm too nice of a guy and I respect women so much that I just want the best for them despite my own desires, so I try to get to know them, and then if they seem interested I can ask them out, if not we can be friends, but then girls always feel restricted by social norms and refuse to flirt or seem interested. I don't know. Maybe I'm too restrictive and I just tell myself "she is not the one" before I really get to know someone.

Then again, I have dated friends and I have dated people that I just met somewhere. I have been on dates with classmates. I have been on dates with all kinds of people. So, why so many friends and so few dates? Do I need to be more selfish and tell new people I meet that it's a relationship or nothing, that I already have enough friends? Perhaps I need to be more bold and threaten potential friendships with relationships to see what happens. Part of the Utah mentality seems to be that it's either friendship or dating, and that the lines shouldn't cross, even just for fun. (Sadly, no one has yet responded to my challenge in the dating post. I've never seen so many people turn down free ice cream, dinner, or a night on the town without any kind of commitment or expectations!)

I think the real problem is that I just don't meet many new people. I work at home, all my classes are full of guys (ah, the curse of ECEn majors), and the same people are at church every week. I have hope for the new semester. I'm taking several classes that aren't from my major, including two dance classes, a pre-med class (yeah, not many people know it, but I've been considering going to medical school after my degree for years), and a guitar class if I can get in.

So, I guess for the time being I will just keep going and see what awaits me. I'm sure that I will find that "someone whom I can love beyond any comprehension and who will love me in return. Someone who will help me live life to the fullest, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Someone to share dreams with. Someone who, when I think of her, will make me want to be a better person" eventually. Still, it wouldn't hurt to know if I was doing something wrong. Thoughts, anyone?

The Bridge

I got a special treat tonight. After driving from Provo to Syracuse, I had to drive to Roy, then to Morgan, back to Roy, then finally back to Syracuse. It probably added about two hours to my trip, but I got to visit one of my favorite places that I wouldn't have been able to see otherwise. This special place is a bridge, plain and simple, that goes over the train tracks in an old worn down part of town. The bridge in and of itself is quite unspectacular, but as I cross over the top of the bridge, everything changes. At the very peak I can see over all the houses, powerlines, and fences, and the distant horizon is unvieled. I get to see the great Salt Lake, Antelope island, mountains, and miles and miles of house tops below, if even for a split second.

As I drive up the bridge, I feel like I'm approaching the surface of a deep pool. For a brief moment, I break the surface and gasp for air, taking a deep breath before I plunge back into the world. I like to coast up the bridge, slowing down as much as possible to prolong the promised moment of freedom. For an instance, all the burdens of life are lifted. The captivity of daily life and stagnant routines is left behind, and the world is before me.

I don't know why, but I've never stopped and walked over the bridge, taking time to stand at highest point and just gaze into the distance. Maybe it's because I always passed the bridge on my way home from work, and I just wanted to finish the day and relax. Maybe it's because some things are best when they are rare, and standing at the peak of the hill would ruin the poetry that I found each evening. Maybe it's because people just don't take time to enjoy life like they should.

Someday when I build a house, I plan to have a room on top of the highest point. The walls will be made of glass, and the room will have no purpose but to sit, to glance at forever, and to be inspired.

Random Thoughts #4

-It would be nice if cars ran off cookie dough. Then it would smell amazing everywhere you went!

-"When I was younger..." is a horrible way to start a story. Really, any story you can tell about yourself happened when you were younger, unless you are telling a story about how you are telling a story right now, but that's just lame. Never tell that story. People with think you are just narrating for yourself or something.

-Why would any one get laser surgery when they could wear a monocle? Monocles demand respect! Walk into any room wearing a monocle and you are instantly cooler than everyone else.

A Few Random Facts About Me

-As a kid, I had a pet newt. I named him Gingrich.

-In 5th grade we were assigned states and told to research them then make a parade float from a shoe box for our state. Instead I decided to convert our red radio-flyer wagon into a large ridable float, complete with a model rocket "missile launcher" in the back. I got a 'B' and the teacher said something about not following directions... I still think my float was the coolest.

-My current pull up record is 33.

Who I Am

I won't claim to be normal:
-When bad things happen to me, I usually laugh in response.
-Money isn't so important to me, so long as I have enough for my needs.
-Your compliments will usually go unheard, but I want to hear your complaints. I want to know how I can do better.
-I don't generally judge others when they do something stupid or wrong. I realize that we are all imperfect and bound to make mistakes, so instead I judge them by who they are at heart, and who they are trying to be.
-When I feel sad or depressed, I use it to inspire myself.
-I try to be thoughtful and considerate of other people. I have a lot of people that I care about and want to support, yet I don't generally miss people when they are away. I never really have, even as a child.

I don't think this is how most people work, but I don't see it as a problem. In fact, it serves me well. It might sound like I would be fine in any situation, that I'm easy going enough that troubles and challenges wouldn't really affect me too much, and in many cases it's true. However, there are things that I still need. I may not need many physical things, I may not need compliments, and depression never lasts long and usually encourages me to do better, but that doesn't mean that I will always be content. There are still things that I consider to be important.

What do I need?

-I long for human touch, to know that somebody is there and cares about me.
-I need friends, I need people to pursue me, to let me know that they want to be around me.
-I stress when I feel like I might be falling short of someone's expectations. When I'm not able to do everything that people ask of me, that is that the time that I start to worry.
-I need to make people happy.

An Incredible Night, Part I

My hand shook as I tried to place the key within the confines of the lock. It took more effort than usual, but it was well worth it. As I entered, I could tell that my nose would definitely be red when I looked in the mirror, and my face felt stiff and frozen. As I walked towards my room I noticed the blood on my thumb, now apparent with the absence of the band-aid, reminding me of what may have been the best meal I have had in some time. All these things were tokens of contentment and signs of freedom. It had been a wonderful night.

As I was preparing to leave for school that morning to work on some overdue assignments, I was trying to decide which activities I would to pursue that evening. I had so many good options, but not nearly enough time. After narrowing my list down to the options that interested me the most, I still couldn't decide which one to do. Then I decided to do them all. I planned an amazing night, and sent out invitations to about 20 people. I realized that by this point in the day, and during this time of the semester, most of them would probably already have plans or commitments, but I decided to try anyway. When the time finally came, only a few were able to make it.

Then there were four.

As Audryn, Katie, and Eric arrived, I began the first part of the night. Having collected a number of ingredients, we began to make a Greek meal. When you visit a Greek restaurant in America, you get American food modeled after Greek food. It's not the same, and it's not nearly as good. I prepared a Greek salad by combining cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, olives, feta cheese, and a handful of dressings and spices. Then I began preparing chicken gyros using a very large rotisserie chicken that I had purchased earlier. In all my time in Greece, I have never seen a lamb gyro. (The “Greek” lamb gyro is nothing more than an American invention.) Together we prepared toppings, fried french fries, and grilled pitas. The gyro wasn't quite 100% authentic, but it was pretty close, and better than any gyros you will find in a "Greek" restaurant. To compliment the meal, we opened a bottle of Burgundy flavored sparkling grape juice and used the fancy wine glasses next to the paper plates and plastic utensils. Audryn stayed as long as she could before she had to leave for her choir concert, and then ran out the door in a bit of a hurried panic.

An Incredible Night, Part II

And then there were three.

Katie, Eric, and I finished eating, cleaned what we could, and left for the movie. The Greek music that was missing from our meal was finally being played as we drove. We arrived 5 minutes late, but the previews hadn't even started yet.

We took our 3D glasses and headed into the theater to see "The Nightmare Before Christmas." As we entered, we found the room empty and quickly located the best seats. We were fortunate enough to have a private viewing! Not only did we get to choose any seats we wanted, but with no one else in the room we were able to put our feet on the chairs in front of us and talk to each other loudly during the movie, which greatly enhanced the experience. I found myself smiling throughout all 76 minutes of the movie. It was incredible! “The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D” runs like a long, beautiful poem. Everything fits together perfectly, producing the perfecting combination of poetry, adventure, comedy, and romance. After the movie finished, we left for home, laughing and talking about how great the movie was the entire way.

And then there were two.

Eric decided that he wasn't up for ice skating, so it was down to just Katie and me. When we arrived we found a full parking lot and a line to get in. The line moved quickly, but we had to wait for our turn to go skating. In the meantime, we talked, got cookies and hot chocolate, listened to Christmas music, watched contests, and observed the skaters. Eventually we were able to skate, and neither of us fell, though I did cause one girl to lose her balance and trip. I was also able to help a girl with Down syndrome learn to skate. I took her right arm and the girl she came with took her left arm, and together we held her up while she tried to move across the ice. It was a lot of fun and very rewarding! I really enjoyed myself and even ran into an old friend from high school, with whom I was able to reminisce about times of old, and skating on the pond by my parent’s house.

On the way home I drove past my old home and gave Katie a quick tour of the neighborhood. I considered stopping by the Hunter sisters for a short visit, but since it was late and most of the lights were off, I thought it best to pass.

An Incredible Night, Part III

And then there was one.

I bid Katie goodnight and began my walk home. I looked at the time on my phone, and realizing that I still had about 7 minutes until midnight, and regretting not having had the opportunity to go jogging the previous two days, I decided to head to the tread mill for a quick 6 minute mile.

As I walked back to my house, drawing deep breathes, I couldn't help but notice the beauty of the stars above. After drinking some cold water at home to prepare myself for the following day, I grabbed a blanket and returned to the cold frosty air. I threw the blanket on the sand of the volley ball court, found a comfortable spot, and began gazing upon the stars. There were so many, and they were so deep, so far away, and yet so clear. I watched my breath as it slowly ascended to heaven in a cloudy mist. It reminded me of childhood games, pretending that I could blow smoke or fire my cold lips. I couldn't help but appreciate how the air seemed to twist and spread. Each breath was different from the one before, and a unique work of art that was destined to fade away, leaving me as the only person to ever witness the beauty of that breath.

I couldn't help but think that far away, circling one of the distant stars that seemed to stand out more than the others, there was probably a planet much like ours with people lying out gazing upon our star. In the stars distant to that planet there would be more planets with more people, and they would be gazing upon even more distant stars with more planets and people, and so on throughout the infinite immensity of space. I thought it odd that we would probably be very similar in appearance and in heart, but we would be separated by language, culture, and the vastness of time and space - all bounds of mortality. I looked around and laughed at how much our culture was evident around me and how much it must vary. The fence was covered with a string of colored lights in celebration of a holiday that they probably wouldn't celebrate, or at least not in the same way. I saw the flag waving, a symbol of our country's history, pride, and values. I saw the net erected across the sand that I was lying on, designed for playing a game that is custom to our culture. I considered how small our planet is, and how I am only one of more than 6 billion people. The stars in the heavens outnumber the people here, and many of those stars probably host billions of people as well. It makes us seem insignificant, yet it's reassuring to know that despite the endless stars, planets, and people, God still knows me and cares about me. Obviously, we must have more value and worth than we realize.

In the darkness, I felt at peace. The stars seemed a masterpiece, more beautiful than any painting that human hands could form. To compliment the beauty of the heavens, I was being serenaded by Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Pachelbel's Canon in D, and other songs that seemed to fit the mood. As I felt numbness begin to spread through my face, and my body began to shake uncontrollably to the rhythm of my chattering teeth, I started to tell myself "just one more song then I'll be done. Just one more song…" That continued until the playlist I had chosen finished, and I was left with the beautiful sound of silence.

I realized that perhaps it wouldn't be so cold if I had someone to hold and share the moment with. I also considered what it meant to be alone. There were some disadvantages, but being alone meant that I could enjoy the peace, the silence, and just admire God's creations. I decided to be enjoy the moment and to relish the special silence that I had.

Finally I decided that it was time to go inside and get warm. As I stood I felt dizzy, but content and at peace. I grabbed the backpack that had been acting as my pillow, shook the sand off my blanket, and began walking back to my place. It was 1:00 AM. The evening lasted longer than most, but it had been an amazing night.

Make a Wake

People usually try to slip by undetected. They dress to fit in, they move to the emptiest spot on the bus and stare into the corner to avoid eye contact, and they try to take a neutral stance less someone be offended. My new motto - Make a wake. Leave a trail of waves, be a little bolder, throw off the balance, and make the world a better place. If we manage to slip by without changing anything, then we might as well have not even lived! Everyday, everywhere we go, we should be making a difference. Surprise somebody, give that stranger a compliment, pick up someone else's trash, volunteer to help somebody, be a little friendlier, say something (non-offensive) when you think you probably shouldn't. If you aren't making a wake, then you will come and go without the world ever knowing you existed.

How do we see each other? (Strengths and Weaknesses)

This past week I took a moment to consider how people see themselves vs how others see them. In the process I wrote down a few notes about my strengths and weaknesses, then I asked a bunch of my friends for their input. The results were interesting, but perhaps not what I expected. I don't know that I entirely agree with everything that was said, but most of the replies were very insightful!

I initially decided that my strengths might include friendship, creativity, analytical ability, and a positive attitude. Oh, and my ninja-like skills!

My weaknesses included such things as being non-committal and occasional poor time management. Oh, and multiple failed attempts at world domination.

The opinions of my friends are listed below in approximately chronological order and nearly verbatim. The interesting thing is that none of the strengths and weaknesses given were the same, or even matched the ones that I wrote down. Is it because we've had different interactions, because we base our views and judgments of others on ourselves, or for some other reason all together?

What my friends said about me:

Rachel-
Strength: Generosity
Weakness: Generosity
Comment: yeah, I know. They are both the same. It's not a typo.

Elizabeth-
Strength: Confidence
Weakness: Arrogance
Comment: Hmmm. They are ALMOST the same, if you think about it.

Katie-
Strength: I make people around me feel comfortable, and I make them laugh
Weakness: I fail to verbalize opinions & I Evade direct questions
Comment: Yeah, she's right, but I don't know when I've avoided her questions... T'was very insightful.

Audryn-
Strength: Great teacher (patient and very good at explaining things)
Weakness: Don't take things seriously enough at times
Comment: I'm being serious right now. VERY serious.

Jon-
Strength: Communication skills
Weakness: I worry too much
Comment: See! I have guy friends!

Sarah-
Strength: Genuineness, kindness, wittiness, concern for others
Weakness: Thinking the Cak cam was a good idea.
Comment: Ah yes, the Cak cam. =) That's a story for another day...

Audrey-
Strength: Spontaneous
Weakness: Everything I undertake has to be on a grand scale
Comment: By they way, I will be hosting a large party to celebrate the release of this blog entry.
(not really, but feel free to come over anyway!)

Grace-
Strength: Curiosity for life and thirst for knowledge.
Weakness: #$*@^& *@#! #$&!!!
Comment: Yeah, she wouldn't list a weakness so I had to step in.

Elisia-
Strength: Amazingly good looks.
Weakness: No x-ray vision.
Comment: OK... I made this one up. There is no Elisia.

So what does this say about me? I don't know. I think what's more important is what is says about others. Why do we see each other so differently? Do we ever judge people prematurely before we really know them (I at least had the benefit that everyone I asked likes or at least tolerates me)? Why do we notice and give more attention to certain characteristics? Really, these opinions might say more about the people who gave them than they say about me. I think all we can really conclude is that everyone is different, and there is no generalization that we can make about people.

Random Thoughts #3

-I feel bad for fish. If they get an itch, they haven't got hands to scratch it.

-Not only that, but fish smell like... well, fish. That's gotta suck.

-It's easy to use a computer mouse. Everything is so intuitive and simple. Consequently, they don't come with many warnings, which means there's something that I can still hurt myself on to get a good lawsuit!

A Few Random Facts About Me

-I'm not allergic to anything, except maybe kryptonite. I've never actually seen any, so I can't be sure.

-When I moved to Provo, I didn't have a place to stay. I just packed my car and left. Fortunately I found a place that day!

-I once got myself invited to "Girls and Blake Night!" I didn't get a facial, unfortunately, but I did get to eat a ton of ice cream cake!

Dating

So why am I single? It's not my bad drinking habit, my frequent fits of rage, or the result of my advanced leprosy. Those things just don't apply to me. It's not due to shyness, lack of interest, or a bad rep... yet. ;) My expectations aren't too high, and while my interests may be somewhat specific, it's not like those people don't exist. Really, it all comes down to just not meeting people, and how could I? 99% of the people in my major are guys, I work from home, and I attend the same ward with the same people every week. I'm talking complete social stagnancy. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. I have lots of friends, the vast majority of which are girls; but friends are friends and lack the level of something more than friends. (That's kind of an ambiguous statement, but you get the idea.) I wouldn't be opposed to blind dates, but most blind dates that I get set up on are more of "she hasn't been on a date for awhile. Who can we set her up with?" type situations, and not "you know what? I bet those two would be perfect for each other!" type situations. Consequently, they have never gone anywhere.

So, since I don't expect my friends to set me up, it's time for a plan. It's time to break loose from the usual routine and to meet more people. Next semester I have a couple of dance classes. I plan to start visiting different FHE groups and ward prayers. I plan on getting a gym membership, and I would like to go to more random activities where I can meet new people (which brings back fond memories of last week's karaoke night =) ).

In the meantime, I've decided that dating is important, even if I'm not interested in the person in that way. Who knows? Maybe I'll find an unexpected romance, but at the very least I should be able to gain some more experience and get a better understanding of what I'm looking for. Not only that, but it should be fun! Care to help me in the quest? Let me know about any good events, or even leave a comment volunteering for a date! I can't promise that I'll be able to take out every girl that leaves a comment if there are a lot, but I'll gladly take out as many as I can and we'll have fun and get some dating practice together! In fact, I've got some good dates planned that are just going to waste as things now are.